Beauty and the Beast Game

Evelyn got Beauty and the Beast dolls for Christmas. They are some of her favorite presents. She plays with them all day. The Beast is especially fun because it transforms from the Beast into the prince. Has anyone noticed the Beast doesn't really have a name? It's just "Beast." Well, Michael solved that problem. He is now officially named "Brutus."

Last night Michael was playing with Evelyn. She let him be the Beast, and she was Belle. Evelyn had Belle pass a domino to the Beast and said, "The phone is for you, Beast."

Michael put the "phone" next to the Beast mask and the conversation went as follows:

"Hello? Who is this? You want me to scare your children?! Uh...I've never done that before. Ah, they didn't eat their vegetables, huh? Ok. How much will you pay me? $22?! Ok! I'll be over there in a jiffy!"

How the junk does he come up with stuff like that? When I play with Evelyn, it always turns out eating, sleeping, eating, sleeping....and any time I try to add some drama, she solves the problem instantly and then we go back to eating and sleeping.

Anyway, Michael and Evelyn got in an argument about how you can't scare children. Belle insisted that the Prince would never turn into a real boy if he acted like that, and the Beast insisted he was helping the parents teach their children, "And I got a smooth twenty bucks!"

The argument ended in a compromise: Beast can only scare boy children.

Here is Evelyn with her new dolls:

And this is just a cute snuggly picture:

Christmas Morning

For Christmas morning this year, we knew Evelyn would wake up earlier than us, so we put a blanket up so she wouldn't just go straight in to open presents. She was very confused when she started for the bathroom and she noticed the blanket blocking off our kitchen and living room. She turned on the hall light and stared at it in consternation. I explained about how it was hiding Santa's surprise and then she was excited!

This is her pointing at the presents and explaining things to me:

...And dancing to Mannheim Steamroller's 'Joy to the World." She was pretty spastic, turning somersaults as fast as possible.

One of her favorite presents, a little Webkins Himalayan cat. Evelyn first named it "Laya," but she couldn't remember it, so she changed it to "Vernon" (I have no idea where she got that!). Then she changed it to "Silly Kitty," but now it's morphed into "Sally Kitty" which I think might stick.

She was the perfect age for presents this year. She had the cutest reactions:

But by the end she wanted to stop opening presents and start playing. For the last few presents, she told Daddy, "You open it." But she was still very interested.

Despite all the material distractions, we tried to still focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Today Evelyn asked me if it was Jesus' Birthday. I told her "No, we celebrated that yesterday, so it will be a whole year until next Christmas." She agreed with me and then said, "And Jesus will come next year."

I truly hope so, Sweetheart.

Another cute thing she said to me today: "Oh, I love you, little darling! Come over here so I can kiss you! There, now you got an angel kiss!"

Merry Christmas!

More Nielson Strangeness

Beatnik Bacon Folk Songs by Charles "Che" Nielson

Makin' Bacon

Chorus

Makin' bacon. Do you care?
Makin' bacon. Smell the air.
Makin' bacon. Count the ways.
Makin' bacon. All your days.

vs. 1

Bacon with eggs. Bacon just plain.
Bacon fat milkshake. Bacon insane.
Bacon with chicken and a bit of Dijon
Bacon with turkey. Make it your own.
Bacon on pizza. Bacon in pie.
Bacon wrapped bacon. Bacon til you die.

Chorus

vs. 2
bacon with pancakes. Bacon quiche dish.
Bacon with waffles. Bacon stuffed fish.
Bacon potatoes. Bacon supreme.
Bacon on salad. Bacon ice cream.
Bacon on pizza. Bacon in pie
Bacon wrapped bacon. Bacon til you die.

Chorus

Vs. 3
Bacon avocado. Bacon stuffed lamb.
Bacon guacamole. Bacon with jam.
Bacon devil's food. Bacon spinach cream.
Bacon apple streudel. Bacon barf dream.
Bathing in bacon. Bacon perfume.
Bacon Armageddon. Bacon is your doom.

Chorus (x2)

Is it just me, or does 'bacon' look really funny after seeing it written so many times?

Poems by Robert Frost discovered by Marilyn Nielson

The One Not Eaten (Compare with The Road Not Taken)
Two donuts lay on a yellow plate,
And sorry I could not eat them both
and not seem greedy, I had to wait,
Hand hovering above the cake--then leave it with a muttered oath.

I took the other, just as plump,
And having perhaps the better claim,
because of it's frosting and apple lumps;
though as for that the icing pump
Had crowned them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
Untouched by human hand or lip--
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet seeing as they were on display
I doubted I'd get another nip.

I shall be telling this with an ache
Somewhere meals and meals hence:
Two donuts sat for me to take--
I ate the fritter, not the cake,
And that has made all the difference.

Ham and Toast (Compare with Fire and Ice)
Some say the day should start with ham,
Some say just toast.
Since I have small regard for jam,
I hold with those who favor ham.

Still, though I do not like to boast,
I think I know enough of wheat
To say that for digestion, toast
Is good to eat,
And would suit most.

Stopping for Eggs on a Hungry Morning (Compare with Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening)
Whose eggs these are I think I know.
His plate in unattended, though;
He will not catch me eating them
In flagrante delicto.

My little fork will pause just here,
Above them in the atmosphere,
Between the mouth and steaming plate
The darkest morning of the year.
The egg yolks give a little sway
As if to ask if it's okay.

I reassure them with a bite
And quickly make my getaway.
The eggs are gone, my jaws are stilled.
But I have other meals to build,
And mounds to eat before I'm filled,
And mounds to eat before I'm filled.

Candle Light Dinner and Nielson Strangeness

I love my family. Can I just repeat that? I LOVE my FAMILY!!! Every year we have an annual Christmas party (usually themed) for my brothers and sisters. Sam and Marilyn were in charge this year. When we got our invitation, Michael thought it was junk mail. He was just getting irate at "the NERVE of these people for inviting us to some breakfast convention thing to get money out of us and asking us to bring avocados and sour cream!" Then he recognized Marilyn's signature. Oops. At least he didn't notice that he was on the list of presenters, that really would have eaten him.

Our theme this year was BACON. We were some group named NOCAB (and don't ask me what it meant, I just remember it tasted good). After a delightful breakfast buffet, we had presentations at which we even had Sen. David Benge speak, a reformed KKK member (who used to be a hater because he wouldn't eat brown eggs, but now he's been converted!), and had a seance by a syrup medium Madam ZaJane Hunt. We discussed in depth how the term "nooks and crannies" is distinctly pornographic, and how brunch is a bastardization of breakfast.

Don't you wish you were a Nielson???

I couldn't understand half of it, which is why of course I laughed so hard. I dare you to claim to understand the financial properties and all the different properties of egg laying from different chickens.

LT Gen. Michael Adams talked about the pancake and waffle battle formations and his time as a POW. I was assigned to be a theater critic and talk about Breakfast on Broadway. That's about the time that I stopped getting excited to go. I was thrilled to watch everyone else make fools of themselves, but ask me to be creative and expecting me to be funny...that's a little too much.

Anyway, I did a preview for the new smash-hit Broadway musical: Green Eggs and Ham. My family wants me to post the lyrics, so here goes: (Each song goes to one page of the book, give or take a few pages.)

(To the music of Honey Bun from South Pacific)

"A hundred and onePounds of fun, That's your little honey bun!
Get a load of Sam-I-Am tonight!"
(To Can't Help Loving 'Dat Man of Mine from Porgy and Bess)
"Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly; I gotta be one man til I die.
Can't help being the Sam-Am-I"
(to You Can't Get a Man with a Gun from Annie get your gun)
"Oh you can't shoot a man with a gun! With a gun! With a gun!
Even though that man may be Sam-I-Am!"
(To I Feel Pretty from West Side Story)
"Are you Hungry? Oh so Hungry?
Why not try these fresh green eggs and ham?
I just made them. Made by hand, by the great Sam-I-Am."
(To Any Dream Will Do from Joseph)
"I close my eyes, And I plug my nose
'Cause I'm sure I'll puke At the sight of those."
(To Merry Widow Waltz)
"Would you like them Here or there Or anywhere?"
(To I Hate People from Scrooge)
"I hate green eggs! I hate ham!
Green things are despicable entrees
Looking Gross and flickable on trays
I HATE green eggs! I deplore them!
(To All I ask of You from Phantom)
"Just Say you'll eat some with me now and always.
Say you'll eat some with this small mouse too.
Just one bite and you'll be hooked forever.
Anywhere: perhaps this house will do.
Green eggs won't give you stomach flu!"
(Poor Unfortunate Souls from Little Mermaid)
"Well those green eggs and that ham are rather nasty!
I wasn't kidding when I said that I'd throw up!
And my darling, please don't laugh, but they'd prob'ly give me gas!
They are slimy, undercooked; I might blow up! (Putrescent!)"
(Master of the House from Les Mis)
"Eat them in a box, Eat them with a fox.
If you wait too long they'll be as hard as rocks.
Food beyond compare! Food beyond belief!
If it will help ya eat it, you can call it beef!
Everybody loves these green eggs! Everybody loves this ham!
You can try to win those cravings but they'll beat you in the end!"
(I Like Him from Man of La Mancha)
"I don't like them. I REALLY don't like them!
They give me gag reflexes just to smell, I won't like them!
You may say how healthy they are; Pack'd with protein and...caviar!
But I'll yell to the sky, tho' I can't tell you why That I won't like them!"
(Adelaide's Lament from Guys and Dolls)
The average uncultured male Spoil'd and hyper tense
Due to some long frustration may react
To flavorful exotic cuisine Like he cannot endure
The salivation such aromas one might present!"
(page turn)
"In other words just from looking at food and offered to try a bit,
A person....might throw a fit!"
(Why Can't a Woman Be More Like a Man from My Fair Lady)
"Why can't my answer be just a 'No'? No's are so simple! So obvious and low.
But here I must shout it, for your brain is slow! Why can't my answer be...a 'no'?!"
(From the train song in Music Man)
"You can talk, you can talk, you can bicker, you can talk
But it's different than you think..."(page turn)
"No it ain't no it' ain't! Is my whole face turning pink?!"
(Memory from Cats)
"Eat some! my dear boy won't you eat some? All alone in this dark cave
So the rats will not come.The rats love them as I am sure that you will too.
Eat them quickly, Eat them, do!"
(Rollerskate Rag from Funny Girl)
"I will not eat them with a fox or a mouse!
I will not like them in a box or a house!
Not in the rain!Not on a train!
I will not eat them here or there or anywhere!"
(page turn)"You do not like green eggs and ham?
No I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!"
(Who Will Buy from Oliver)
"Who will eat my green eggs and ham?
Who will try; he'll be a great guy!
Who can help but love the spices"
(page turn)"Of wonderful green eggs and ham!"
(How do you solve from Sound of Music)
"How do you solve a problem like Sam-I am?
How do you get him to accept a 'no'?
How do you stand a man with green eggs and ham?"
(page turn)"I do not like it! You make me sick! Go Away!"
(Tomorrow from Annie)
Tomorrow, tomorrow! I'll eat some tomorrow! Just leave me alone today!"
(Poor Judd from Oklahoma)
You don't like them so you say,
But if you really try them then you may! (Then you may!)"
(Stars from Les Mis)
"All Right. I'll eat that ham.
Though I don't want to. Though it disgusts me.
I'll eat it right up.
Don't suppose you'll look away? All right, you're sure?
Must I eat the eggs too? Even all of the goo?"
(Transformation from Jekyll and Hyde)
"7:53 AM. I have just ingested 2.8 ounces of green eggs and ham. No noticeable behavioral differences...Bwahahahaaa!"
(Getting to know you from King and I)
"Getting to taste you Getting to taste all your flavors.
Getting to like you Getting to hope you like me.
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm smiley and bright
because of all the beautiful and new things I'm tasting within you
bite by bite."
(For we need a little Christmas from Mame)
"For we need a little breakfast
Right this very minute!
Parfaits in the cooler; Bacon on the skillet.
And we get a little snappy if we do not eat it.
We need a little breakfast now!"

Dance Recital

You would think we went to a comedy club instead of a dance recital. I laughed so hard all my pictures turned out fuzzy. Evelyn was adorable: she did all the dance moves with a dead-pan expression. At least she wasn't one of the kids who sat there and sucked on her fingers the whole time.

And right at the end, we got a smile:

But the best part was when she stole the show. During the next performance, she came out on stage and just about joined in their song. Her teacher was able to get her off the stage and tell her it was the other kids' turn to perform. But that didn't stop her from sneaking back on stage and watching the rest.

She certainly isn't stage-shy, is she? Like mother like daughter, I suppose.