In Vitro

   Michael and I are in the middle of the In Vitro Fertilization Process. I must admit that I was terrified to make this move: I wanted more children so badly, but spending $15,000+ on a 60% chance didn't seem very financially or emotionally intelligent. I figured that I would eventually have to do it, but that would be when Michael got that million dollar check in the mail from that distant rich relative and all our money concerns disappeared. Plus, we had to balance out the unpredictable concern about my health. A couple years ago, my Rheumatologist made it sound like we shouldn't and/or couldn't have more children with the status of my health. We settled into accepting the fact that we would only have Evelyn. But last summer, my Rheumatologist totally changed her tune and told us that we could wean off the especially dangerous medication I was taking and try for fertility treatments. Michael and I instantly started creating strange ways to save up money: Like having to pay $5 per treat into our baby fund. Or not allowing ourselves to eat out. 

     In spite of that fact that we saved a ridiculous amount of money (I had no idea how much money we just waste on....whatever!) it still seemed that actually being able to afford the In Vitro process  would be years away. Then the miracle happened: Our heater broke. Before that, Michael and I wouldn't even consider going into debt for it, but when we already had to borrow money, why not consolidate all our debt, lower our payments and get enough that we can immediately pursue In Vitro? God truly works in mysterious ways. 

   So we began preparing my body and getting all the blood tests done. Our first big adventure was when Michael passed out during his blood draw. We have no idea why this happened as he routinely donates blood and they hadn't even gotten any blood yet! But we figured he just psyched himself out. He passed out twice. For one vial. I can't even count how many blood draws I have had in the last two months. This is why women have babies. 

   Then we began the hormone treatments. I had to be on 3 different shots a day: given to myself: in the belly. I was so nervous! The feeling of dread increased when Michael found out he had to go on a business trip the second day of the shots. I had been counting on him to administer the shots to me like he does the Humira! Now I would REALLY have to give myself the shots! And with an exposed needle--not a hidden pen like Humira. --In my BELLY! I forced myself  to accept it and decided to create a battle cry for when I stabbed myself with the needle. 

  When I was watching my training videos with Michael, I discovered that I wouldn't have been able to count on Michael anyway when he got woozy at the sight of the needles. He couldn't even watch the videos. 

   Surprisingly, I didn't even need the battle cry I had created for getting through my injections bravely. The shots were so easy! Tiny needles, a small amount of thin medication: I hardly felt it! I felt silly that I had been so nervous! But I think Michael felt sillier when I made him sit on the floor to watch because I really didn't want to have to catch him as he fell to the floor....but he didn't even get woozy! (Humira, by the way, is NOT an easy shot! It bruises and swells for almost two weeks: just in time for my next shot! If my in vitro shots were like that: three times a day for ten days....I didn't even know how I would handle it!)

   Tomorrow I am getting my eggs retrieved. I have learned to not sweat it. I can do hard things. Plus, I will be under anesthesia. I have 26 eggs! Its amazing what they can do with medical science! It's not remotely natural, but amazingly miraculous. I will know in three weeks  whether the process was successful.

Faux Pregnancy test.
NO, I am NOT pregnant! ....YET!

 This test was used to determine if I had done one of the shots correctly. But after all the negative tests I have taken, it was still hugely satisfying to get a positive pregnancy test, even if it isn't real. I had to document it!

Me and my 26 eggs!

  Surprisingly, I really feel like I will be okay even if we don't end up pregnant. I am simply proud of myself for the way I conducted myself, and I don't fear trying it again. We may not ever have more children, but  I am absolutely assured that God is leading me and my little family. Whatever happens, He can make right. I am filled with hope and assurance that He is there.